Personal Posts

Suicide! 

This post about my attempt on suicide!

As most of you know if you have read my blog, that I am a foster child. So I had been living with my foster parents. In August 2012 I met Paul this was around the time that my home life with my foster parents was falling apart! As you can expect I was the average 17 year old who thought they knew everything, I mean come on what teenager didn’t!
I was fed up of being treated definitely by them.

Meeting Paul I pretty much kept it a secret and didn’t tell my foster parents. Until my weekend of my 18 birthday when he told them he was taking me away for the weekend and was going to ask to marry me! Of course he did and I said yes!

Now a few weeks after my birthday in October 2012 time.

However Paul kicked me out he said screaming at me in the middle of the night, he dropped me off home and said we was over. Now in the morning on the way to work I was feeling really low I kept calling him and he would say he hated me, we are over and that I should jump in front of a train!

Now I decided to buy three packs of painkillers and taking every single one. I was rushed into hospital, where I was constantly throwing up my stomach lining, I was given tablets to help with the sickness not that it worked. Of course it felt like I was dying! Thankfully I didn’t have to have my stomach pumped. I spent the night in there where they would constantly wake me up to draw blood samples from my wrists leaving me with two massive bruises. In the morning I had to have a psych evaluation but because I stated that it was a stupid mistake, which I did regret afterwards, they didn’t section me.

After the evaluation I Paul took me straight home, where I then had a talk with my foster parents about it. In January 2013 I had a massive argument with my foster parents about Paul, which I regret, but they then kicked me out and I moved in with Paul. However I’m not going to talk about the rest because you know that.

However let me tell you why I attempted to kill myself. I felt like the whole world was closing in on me, my boyfriend hated me and things were becoming unbearable to my foster parents house. I felt as if I was all alone and I had no one, I was at my lowest point ever as if I couldn’t turn to anyone. Still to this day I do still get moments where I could attempt too commit suicide again. I feel like I even though I am really strong and independent, I do have a fragile mind.

The people that I am grateful to are my friends and of course my partner Paul, who I know through everything is always there for me to pull me through and stick up for me.

Thank you for reading my post! 🙂

Photo credit: (www.pokerlistings.it

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5 thoughts on “Suicide! 

  1. When one is in pain it’s difficult to see that there could be light at the end of the tunnel. I struggle with suicidal thoughts now and then. I’m finally getting therapy for it and hope to one day be liberated from the torture of thinking that it would be better to not be in this world anymore. Sorry for what you went through — stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most of the time, just like you I do get thoughts of that everyone will be better of if I wasn’t around. I have actually taken another over dose early in the year when my MIL was being nasty but it wasn’t as bad. I mainly get those thoughts when I’m faced with really bad/horrible confrontation or bad things are happening to me.
      Thank you, I do try

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m hoping to post more on my blog about how I’m getting better from dealing with suicidal thoughts and self-harming behaviors. Maybe it’ll help someone else learn the same skills. So far, so good. There is help out there. I recommend learning some DBT skills (they’re not just for people with BPD).

        Liked by 1 person

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