So it’s been awhile since I have done a blog post. So today I’am going to explain my absence and hopefully I won’t get judged too much.
Last weekend I went out drinking with my friends, which was a disaster in its self. However after managing to get back to my friends house for the night, Paul picked me up in the morning, taking me home.
As we walk in to the house, me being half asleep as I had been awake all day and night, I said hello to Ivy and asked her how her day had been. After that I just went straight to bed because I was tired and sick. Next thing I hear is Ivy moaning at Paul saying how we should do things together and a lot of other rubbish. So I get out of bed walking down stairs and ask Ivy what the matter is, she had been drinking no surprise there. All of a sudden she is saying that I’m just using Paul and Ivy, that I don’t love Paul. Ivy also having a go at me for not tidying Paul rooms, considering it was tidy before I left and her response was so youre a girl. I mean is she crazy what year does she live in, I’m not Paul’s slave he can do things for himself but because she mothers him too much and does everything fit him, he has never done the simple stuff for himself. I’m left quite shocked not really sure what’s going on, I asked her and all she says to me is that she isn’t talking to me, in frankly a nasty evil voice.
Ivy always goes on about how she treats me like a daughter, but at the end of the day I’ve seen the way she treats her own real daughter and she doesn’t even talk to Ivy any more due to her nasty ways. Frankly mothers don’t say the things that Ivy has said to me!
Now this makes Paul start on Ivy, he then pushes her and it spirals from then on. Both of them start shouting at each other and hitting each other, and frankly this scares me a bit and worries me because this is something that I don’t want to be around, I have grown up with my parents screaming and shouting at each other and hitting each other even hitting me, I certainly don’t need this in my adult life.
Ivy now walks out somewhere after chucking stuff around and moaning to herself. That is when I make the sudden decision that I don’t want to stay in that toxic place any more, I’ve had enough. I call my friends mum and ask if I can stay with her for the week while Amie is away on holiday, which she obviously says yes. Now this makes me a tad bit uncomfortable as I’m not used stuff like this happening to me. After packing a weeks worth of stuff Amie’s mum picked me up and took me too hers. The thing that really bugs me is that not once had she apologised to me, it’s like she doesn’t even care!
Deciding to leave Paul and staying at Amie’s was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, I just couldn’t take the constant abuse and the way that she feels the need to put me down all the time basically say I’m not good enough. I just needed sometime to myself, because the fact is that I’ve never been on my own. I jumped from one frying pan straight into another without finding out who I’am as a person or what it is like to live on my own.
Now I don’t think Paul really understood me, he asked me to make a decision on whether we were still together or not, to stop leading him on. So I made the decision that we are finished, now that was the hardest decision I have ever made, because whether it seems like it or not I do care about him, he has been there for me when I had no one. However the thing is that I have given him so many chances to change to stop the drugs and the drinking. I’m fed up of living with his mum, I can’t take promises that never happen any more.
I’m so lucky to have good people around me, Amie and her mum for giving me a place to stay. My work for giving me a room in one of their fantastic student houses rent free, I feel so blessed that I could cry because whether it seems like it or not Iam not used to people helping me I have always had to defend my self and look out for myself.
Yesterday he dropped of all my stuff to Amie’s, and he decided that he was going to turn nasty calling me a slut. So after he had left he had given me his folder with all his important stuff and forget my stuff so I text him saying that he had to bring it back and he could have his back. Which he did however he was rude, I also told him that he was still missing some of my stuff.
Paul also decided to tell me that he was going to go to the police because he was in fear of his life that he was going to do something stupid to himself, which I knew he would never do. Now he also decided to tell him that he was glad that had ended, as apparently someone had seen me “kiss” some guy that I work with, which is complete and utter bullshit. Paul also decided to tell me that he wasn’t going to give any more of my stuff back and that he wasn’t going to give me any money from his car sale.
The thing that made me angry was the fact that someone would make something up like that, also the fact that he turned on me saying he wasn’t going to pay me any money after the fact that I had paid off most of his debts, drug debts and paid most of his car finance and helped look after his dad when the rest of his siblings were non where to been seen and this is how he and his mother treat me. I would have thought that I deserved more repeat then that.
Now today he text me saying that he missed me, I replied back saying that I never kissed anyone. Paul actually apologised saying that he knows it never happened and that he made it up. I mean who does something like that, how low and nasty, just to get back at me for breaking up with.
I’m just really looking forward to moving into my new place, getting to know myself and who I really am, living on my own for a change without having to explain myself to anyone. I just hope that this break up will be good for Paul, that he will grow up a bit, move out of his mum house and get his own place and start looking after himself. The only thing that I wish for him is that he doesn’t go back to what he was like before that he continues to move forward and make himself into a better man.
Thank you for reading my post! I will keep you all updated on how things move forward from here on out! Leigh xox