Now I thought I would do a post on how things are getting along with me over the last month since my break-up and moving house, as I haven’t really been present this month due to a lot of things happening.
First lets start with the fact that I’am absolutely loving living in my new house, so far it has been the best thing that has happened to me, I couldn’t have asked for better company to work for! I love having my own room and just my own general space but not only that just the pure fact that I don’t have to answer to anyone or explain myself. Obviously I have a house-mate living with me who is also my best friend Amie, which is brilliant as it is great to have the company. I don’t feel like I have to explain myself, I can do whatever I like.
Things with Paul have some what been difficult, he has been texting me a lot after we broke up. I’m not going to lie sometimes he would text me being really nice saying that he loves me, misses me and wants me back. This always makes me feel guilty and has me thinking that I have made a huge mistake. When he is saying these nice things it has me ready to get back with him.
However then on the next minute, if I don’t reply back to him straight away he will text me back calling me a slag, saying that I’m sleeping with other guys or he might just be saying that he is going on dates with other guys, that I’m not a 10/10. Just silly things like that, now I do understand that he is hurt and angry. Maybe that is his way of dealing with things, but I get extremely annoyed because after everything that I have done for him and his mum, that is no way to treat or talk to me.
At the moment I feel like I have made the right decision with breaking up with him, as I feel like he needs time to change and become a better man. I have done and given a lot of time and effort to him, its now his turn to try as I’ve gotten to the point where I can no longer do it for him any more.
However when I really think about it, obviously breaking up with him had a lot to do with the way he treated me, but on another level its more to do with the fact that its my turn to look after myself now. I’ve had to grow up extremely quickly from a very young age to ensure that I can look after every else, that has meant I have made a lot of sacrifices for myself.
It got to the point when enough was enough, I’ve always jumped from on frying pan to other, that being when I was with my real parents to going with my foster parents to then eventually living with Paul and his mum. Everything in my life so far has been toxic, now don’t get me wrong being with Paul was some of the best moments in my life, but its my turn now, I need to get myself together, sort my head out and start looking after myself for a change as no one else is going to.
Now for the really interesting part Paul asked to take me to Winter Wonderland on Sunday, I’m not really sure if this is bad idea or not. I think it would differently be a great idea to meet and spend the day together, see what we are both like. However I’am really worried on how Paul will be, as I don’t think that he has changed too much. So I am quite nervous on whether we end up getting into an argument as I’m sure that could be a possibility, I’m differently worried about his anger and how he will act. I just have to hope that the day will go smoothly and that we have a really great day!
Thank you for reading my post! Leigh xox