I honestly don’t even know where to start?
We were fine when I went back home, talking everyday. The week I came back his parents were done so he said that we won’t be able to FaceTime but we could still talk. There was one day that I did doubt his true feelings and he got a bit annoyed so he left his parents to call me.
I didn’t believe that he actually loved him, because how can you love someone that quickly? However he was firm on the point that he knew what it was, that he felt those feelings for me!
Well anyway he pulled a something in his ankle training last week, so he was obviously disappointed and angry. He become a little bit more quite with me talked less. Until one day last week I said that we either talk properly or not at all. His response was that we don’t talk at all. I couldnt believer my ears. Never thought he would say something like that. He always said that there was no problem that he couldn’t fix that no matter what I wouldn’t push him away. Not only that but he also told me to do what ever it took to get used to this.
He phoned me up and said that he needed time to think about whether he can conutie to do this with me or not. LC said that I never give him space when he asks for his. So I gave him a whole three days of space. LC rung me up Thursday saying that he couldn’t do the long distance relationship anymore, that he hated me waiting for him while he was at training. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes I had to put the phone down on him, I literally couldn’t speak.
I text him the next say could we not give it a try I would’t text him as much that we would take baby steps till he was ready. His response was I’ve taken the time to make up my mind, I’ve made my decision and I’m going to stick with it! I mean what sort of response is that?
Saturday I asked to FaceTime him, he agreed. I stated that I would like to give it a try as we haven’t even given it a proper chance. LC said that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore that he had already given it a chance. He said that he was sick of my problems and having to deal with them all the time. Problems? What that I doubted his feelings because I didn’t believe that he felt that way about me! That was literally it! I literally begged him to just give it a chance to see that it could be really good, that this is something really special and I didn’t see it as something going to waste.
The whole way through this conversation his face didn’t change bit, he looked so cold it was like I was talking to a stranger. LC said that he didn’t want to continue as he had no feelings for me what so ever, that he didn’t love me at all.
I literally couldn’t believe what I heard. Like how can you go from saying you love someone that you wanted them to do everything they could to get used to it. To I don’t have any feelings for you at all? It just didn’t make sense, it still doesn’t! I just don’t understand. Surely if you love someone and they have a few small issues you work through them? I had to put down the phone because he just didn’t show any emotion what so ever.
I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, I trusted him with everything I had. I believed everything that came out of his mouth! I broke down, I just don’t get it. He completely changed!!! I said to him that I don’t want either of us to regret the decision we made in a few months, he said that its fine he could live with the his choice!
LC made me doubt everything he ever said to me. How can you say you love someone and then next thing you say you have no feelings what so ever? The only thing that I can try and excuse him is that maybe his parents or his coach or whatever so how distracted he was and told him that he couldn’t see me anymore? But I still don’t understand him! No matter what the reason is or was, I will never ever forgive him for it. It was like I meant nothing to him, I was analysing everything he said to everything he did!
I’ve never felt so heartbroken, worthless and physically sick in my life then right now. Like I actually feel really shit about myself. I feel like no one will ever love me for who I am, that I have to many issues for people to handle!!